I am truly proud to be part of AnySoldier.com   Reading the contacts posts,  forum members posts, and being part of this group  gives me a new understanding of responses and situations.  I thank all of you who have helped me learn.

 One thing I have learned is to say Thank you  more often.  Somewhere along the way it was stressed to stop and Thank a service person when you see them.  So I try to do that.

 Now, I know I am beyond the  hot chick years, and time and pounds have  turned me into more of a luke warm auntie type...but I still have a smile and a sparkle, I think. 

But I don't understand why, when I approach a soldier and say Thank you for What you are doing for our Country.....the response is less than favorable. yesterday I actually had one soldier get mad at me and make a nasty response. So much so that his wife/girlfriend raised her eyebrows, the store clerk raised her eyebrows and those around me stopped and looked.

 All I said  (he was in  uniform) was "Home on Leave?" He said Out for Good.  I said "Thank you for what you have done for our country".  

Is this wrong? Should I not be  extending a Thank you?  Anyone else have input on this?  

I consoled myself by saying the guy must have had a really rough time, but there have been others that  seem to not "like" being thanked.

I brush my teeth, I shower, I try to remember to use deodorant...... I smile.

?????

 Amy

 

 

 

 

 

Amy, 

I would not presume to claim that I have any clue as to your particular person‘s reactions.

Just my opinions here.

People in our military are a microcosm of people in all walks of life but with a lot better training.

 

Anger is a natural human emotion with many roots.

Not everyone wants to be approached by a stranger regardless of the reason and not everyone is on an even keel everyday of the week.

You may have just met your first dose of something that civilians don‘t and won‘t ever understand.

I think my reaction would be to just back off and pray for someone in this person’s boots.

Take care,

Ann

 I didn't say anything more to this man. He  didn't maintain eye contact so I knew to say nothing more.

I usually don't say anything beyond a Thank you.

 is it wrong to do that? is it wrong to say thank you?

Goodness,  I don't get out enough I guess. lol

 Amy,

  no it's not wrong to say Thank You.  In fact it's quite right.

Even though we think they should respond in a certain way,  we have no idea what they have gone through, or how they feel about having served.  

You happened to meet someone who I haven't yet, and I think it would put me back a bit for awhile.  

I live in a community where not many uniformed men and women live, so my chances for saying Thank You are few.  All of them have accepted it humbly. 

Take one weekend not too long ago, where I was asked to facepaint at a fundraiser for a biker who had cancer.  

Picture this - a facepainter surrounded by all these bikers, full of tattoos, what was she thinking when she asked me there?  I guess she was expecting kids to show up.  Which they didn't.   LOL.

Anyways, after the tattoo contest ended that I had been watching along with everyone else,  I spied an Airman in uniform who had just arrived with his older daughter.  I did the right thing.  I took out one of my cards that I carry around with me, and walked over to him, said thank you, and walked back to my booth.  I could tell he was shocked, in a good way, and watched him read the card.  He looked around, made eye contact with me and thanked me again for acknowledging him. 

So those are the times we need to remember when we are once again getting up the nerve to say Thank You to our men and women in uniform.  

Those are the ones who need to hear it...........

 Thank you for understanding Deni, that is a good way to describe it,  "put you back".  I don't expect a gushing  response of smiles and such, but have never had anyone be "mean" about it. 
I also try to remember the National Guard and the  recruiters.....I remember a while ago someone said they took Pizzas down to the recruiting office. That made me smile.
I believe in the Trickle Effect.   And no, not talking about bladder problems<S>   If you reach out to one person...it might not stop there.

This has me thinking that maybe Marty  (HI Marty!!) can think again about that Membership to AnySoldier.com. And New cards. Something like Proud Supporter of AnySoldier.Com  Thank you  for  your efforts
 or something like that..

  Thanks for the response. I didn't want to come across as whining. I'm not. Not this time<S>  but just haven't encountered this reaction before.
   Amy

Amy,

 I didn't take your post as whining but as needing some input from other people. I have to agree who knows what was going through that one individual's mind. It would be quite offputting. Sometimes I am with my daughter in her uniform and she just says thank you to people who thank her. I remember seeing on the parent's listserv that I belong to about one of the son's trying to refuse money that was being given to him by a complete stranger in an airport. He ended up accepting the funds so as to not create a scene, but he donated them to the USO. Each person who is thanked will handle the situation differently, you just had a "boot camp" version and who knows what his circumstances were.

 Take care,

 Dorothy

Amy,

  A couple months ago I was in the local Subway and a soldier was in there getting lunch. I approached him and said "Thank you for your service. I would like to pay for your meal." He looked at me and said no!! I was really taken aback, like you were. He said he needed to use up a government voucher or something, but he wasn't smiling or anything, and didn't say "thanks anyway"... and I was just feeling stupid in front of everyone by this time. I felt bad about it all afternoon, but like Ann said--we have no idea what he's been through or what was going on in his life that day. So, I won't let that experience keep me from trying again.

Good luck next time!!

Hello Everyone!

Being a supporter I see the world through my eyes of respect and thankfulness of our troops. My feelings can get wrapped up in my emotions and I sometimes I fail to see where I am getting into someones personal space. When people are feeling good or okay they seldom feel threatened when someone comes close to them. When hurt or depressed or ? they are quite the opposite.

Many soldiers have wounds that don't show. They can be tired, stressed, disillusioned, or a number of other feelings that aren't visable to us. Some people have a phobia of personal contact. 

You did what was right in your heart. You just weren't ready for the reaction you recieved. It will take much practice to be able to handle a hostile reaction when you are not prepared for it. This can be used as a lesson so you can be prepared next time.

My wife talked to a Vet once, and he hollared at her for over an hour on the phone. She stayed with it and showed me that these soldiers are the ones that need someone the most. He is her friend today because she let all his anger bounce off like water off a ducks back.

He needed to talk of his friends killed and how he was angry at these dumb people who don't know nothing of what they went through. He finally talked it out to where he got it off his chest. He has visited it again over the years, but each time it has less intensity.

Well maybe when it comes to conflict and war she was dumb, but not anymore.

If your heart is in the right place your mind will figure how to deal with the rest. You did nothing wrong and if it happened to me I would be caught off guard. Hopefully I would hand him my phone number and tell him he was welcome to call me to talk about it. Maybe I would think of a response that helped him immediately. Maybe nothing would help. 

I do carry cards that say Thank You for military family members and these seem to get a good reaction when I give to soldiers with kids or a wife along side. Maybe you could get some of these?

I can not help but believe, by his reaction, that he needed your Thanks, even though it wasn't apparent at the time.

Don't let anyone stop you from doing good deeds.

Thanks for supporting our troops, door

          For every 1 soldier who doesn't want to hear a thank you there are 10 more who DO want to hear it and 100 more who NEED to hear it. Don't stop it for those 110 just because of 1. Look at it like the soldiers look at us; just assume 1 in 100 Americans are anti-soldier, the protesters. Are soldiers going to stop fighting the fight because of that 1,or are they going to push on for the other 99 of us???

OK, I have a couple things to add.  First of all, I have a friend who is a Vietnam Vet and he is the belligerent type as far as thanks and such is concerned.  He didn't want to be there, did what he had to do, dealt with the garbage that was going on over here, etc.  I don't understand it and never will.  I can't get him to see my side of things and that is fine.  We just steer clear of war and such when we talk. 

Secondly, I know some people in the military and there are some that have never been a part of the war, they do their jobs here and have not been called overseas.  Some are upset about not getting "called" to do their part but not willing to put in for it either for fear of the unknown.  Others don't want to go.  Both of these groups feel unworthy when thanked for their service because they feel as though they have done "nothing" that is worthy of the thanks, some feel guilty because they haven't stepped up and said "I want to go".  Personally, I think they all deserve our thanks because even if they haven't been overseas they are taking care of things here so others can be overseas. 

So, just thought I'd throw that in the mix...

We can never assume what the problems are that some of the troops have, but some of them go into the military when they get their backs against the wall as teens and they are given the choice of military or jail, and some feel resentful of having to join.  Others that I have heard about have gone overseas and their spouses have been unfailthful to them while they are gone.  Those kinds of experiences leave a bitter taste in the mouth of some of them, so you can expect some of them to be a bit testy.

Hi Amy,

 Like someone posted above, people, even soldiers, come in all different sizes, shapes, and mindsets.   I would not let a less than favorable response stop me.  I take a cab alot and one day somehow I got into a convesation with the cabbie and he mentioned he had been on 3 tours in war zones.  I told him about AS and that I sent care packages.  When he dropped me off, I thanked him for his service and he looked taken aback and said "there's no need to thank me, I was just doing my job."  So I said, well then thanks for doing a good job.   He sort of grunted a response and I thought to myself.....well excuuuuse me!  

However, not all soldier/veteran interactions end up this way.   See my post under General Chit Chat....Who's Under that Bandana????

Rosemary  

 

Hrm...

 My (surrogate) little brother is in the Army, currently stationed at Fort Drum.  He never, ever, EVER wears his ACUs off-base.  Ever.   He changes into civilian clothing to come home, period.  Once or twice, he's left the base straight from work (it's a seven hour drive to my house from the base, so if he's late getting out of work before a 4-day, he's in a rush!), so he's had to change into civilian clothing at the first rest stop, but he's never ONCE shown up at our door in his uniform.  The spouse of my boss is in the service too, and his base is right here on Cape Cod, and I've never seen him in uniform either.  Both guys say it's "basically not allowed."  My little bro also said that good soldiers are VERY careful not to ever wear a uniform in an airport - because it's irresponsible to draw more attention to themselves when security is a risk in our nation and especially our nation's airports...  He actually had some less-than-charitable words for his fellow soldiers who wear their uniforms in airports.  He REALLY seems to think doing that is unbecoming of a servicemember in the US armed forces because they do not need to create targets of themselves in civilian locations that are already on higher alerts.

And I know there are servicemembers who have to be in uniform off-base and in places we'd see them, for totally legit reasons...  I'm not saying there is NO reason to wear 'em... Just that my bro frowns on the people who don't have to be and still are, AND I heard in 2007 the Marines were actually BANNED from wearing cammies off-base and... My brother has said to me "Yeah, those people mainly just want the attention."  And then he shakes his head sorta sadly...

 I might be WAY wrong for listening to him, but... I figured he was the closest I was going to get to an "authority" on the subject!  And I guess because he said that, I always assumed people in uniform for "no reason" so to speak, at the very least KNEW the attention was coming... And some probably wanted the attention. 

 So I would NEVER expect to be yelled at for giving it to them!  That would have SHOCKED me...  I don't think you did a thing wrong... And now I'm all confused, lol!

My son was also at Ft Drum and guys wore ACU's off post going to and from work . Sometimes they would hit walmart on their way home or during the day on their break, Some stop at Dunkin Donuts in the morning and a lot of them are living in the motels temporarily until they are assigned housing . Also my son came home from Iraq on R&R and wore his ACU's on the comercial flight. He had no civilian clothes til he got home. I wouldn't say he wanted the attention. He was a little embarrassed but was never rude. I am a nurse and I wear a uniform. There have been plenty of times when I needed to do something and had no time to go home and change. I don't see it as "looking for attention".

Here in the Syracuse NY area, we are relatively close to Ft. Drum.  Because housing has been in short supply in Watertown, some of the soldiers live in our northern suburbs.  And ACUs are often worn as they come and go from the base.  No one thinks anything of it.  We also have some National Units in this area and recruiters, and often see them in uniforms as well.  I frequently approach them with a quiet thanks and have always had a favorable response but they usually seem sort of surprised at the attention, rather than craving it.  And if they are a few who want the attention, I think that's actually okay.  They ought to be proud of the uniform and their service.  So I say it's all good!

 Kathy